


And At Last I See The Light (Coming From You)

by insomniacchronosaurus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Soulmate AU, heated makeout scenes, seunglix if you squint, this is supposed to take place a month before the showcase on the survival show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 13:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21137810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacchronosaurus/pseuds/insomniacchronosaurus
Summary: In a world where your chest glows when you first touch your soulmate, Hyunjin and Jisung discover they're fated to be together during a fight. Oh yeah, they're fighting because they hate each other's guts.Or do they?





	And At Last I See The Light (Coming From You)

**Author's Note:**

> hey this was inspired by a prompt from @hyunsungenerato on twitter. their account is full of hyunsung prompts & ideas for stories, so if you're interested in that, you should definitely follow them! big shout out for reading this and saying such lovely things before i posted it ily <3  
anyway i hope you enjoy this! i plan to post a seungbin soulmate au next, probably in late november. i know seungbin nation is starving so i'm gonna do my best to feed y'all  
ok i'm gonna shut up now thanks for reading pls leave comments letting me know what you think and follow me on twitter @sparklysoobin
> 
> ps tangled is the best disney movie

“Jesus, why do you have to be so fucking annoying? I’m just trying to get through the choreo, and you have to go and start fights?” Hyunjin yelled. 

“Oh, I’m the one starting fights? You were the one talking shit about me during class today!” Jisung shouted back. He felt like his anger was physically swelling up inside of him. He clenched his fists, suddenly really, really wanting to punch Hyunjin’s stupidly pretty face.

Chan stepped forward. “Guys please, can we just drop it and go back to work? The showcase is so soon, we really need to practice as much as possible-“

“You heard him, Hwang. Stop being a bitch and wasting time.”

“I’m wasting time? You chose to confront me while we were practicing. You’re the one holding us all back with your tantrums, you immature dumbass!” 

“I’m immature? You’re the one spreading stupid rumors about me!”

“If the rumors are stupid, why do you care?”

“Because I don’t want my name coming out of your mouth! Don’t fucking talk about me, to anyone! I don’t want anything to do with you, and I definitely don’t want to be associated with you, you fucking talentless, annoying, bratty idiot!”

Hyunjin recoiled, and Jisung felt his insides stinging with regret at his words as soon as he said them. His anger immediately started to cascade down like a gentle waterfall, evaporating faster than it had come along. It was replaced with guilt and self hatred; how could he say something so cruel? 

“Well if you really hate me that much, I guess I’ll just leave the team.” Hyunjin was visibly holding back tears, and it could be heard in his voice too how hard he was trying not to cry. Jeongin rushed over from where he had curled up in the corner to console his friend. Before Jeongin could touch Hyunjin, and before better judgement could enter Jisung’s mind, he spoke again.

“God, are you really going to be like that? You’re so difficult. Stop being so dramatic. We have work to do.”

“I’m not joking, Han.”

“You definitely are Hwang, cause I’m pretty sure you know without Chan you’re not getting anywhere. You think you can debut on your own? If you don’t have us to make you look good, you’ll get kicked out.”

“Jisung, that’s enough,” Chan said firmly. Minho stood up and went over to the leader's side. Felix slowly walked over to stand behind Jisung, and Seungmin did the same with Hyunjin. Changbin stood by Jeongin, ready to keep the maknae out of the crossfire, as he was next to Hyunjin.

Jisung didn’t know why he was saying all these things. They weren’t even true-at least, he didn’t believe them. Did he think Hyunjin was annoying? For sure, but he definitely didn’t actually think of Hyunjin as talentless. Yet for some reason he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to be saying all these awful things, but his mouth seemed to be having a mind of its own. 

“You think you’re so much better than me, but you’re actually a failure at everything. You can’t sing or rap, and you can barely dance. Your face is the only reason why you haven’t been kicked out yet, you know? You’re not a good performer, and you never will be. You’ll never be anything, Hwang. Not on your own. On your own, you’re worthless. Fucking worthless. That’s all you are, and all you’ll ever b-“

Hyunjin punched Jisung as hard as he could. Jisung’s nose started to bleed and Felix rushed over to keep him from falling. Once Jisung had regained his bearings, he stood back up and stared at Hyunjin, his internal guilt and regret being painted over with rage and bloodthirst. 

“You asked for it, Hwang.” 

Jisung placed his hands on Hyunjin’s chest and shoved. Hyunjin felt like he was falling in slow motion because as soon as Jisung’s hands were on Hyunjin’s chest, it started to glow bright red. From on the floor Hyunjin looked up and saw Jisung’s was the same.

Chan, who hadn’t noticed the glowing, took the opportunity to rush over and help Hyunjin up, but froze as soon as he realized.

“You...you two are…”

“Soulmates,” the other five members said in unison.

Tears started to flood Jisung’s eyes. He felt like a stone statue. Frozen. Paralyzed. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. From the moment he learned what soulmates were, he had been bursting with excitement to find his. He’d imagined the moment a countless amount of times. But never anything like this. It couldn’t be like this. It wasn’t. Hyunjin wasn’t his soulmate. 

But Jisung couldn’t deny the fact that his chest was pulsing with crimson energy. That only happens when you touch your soulmate. Hyunjin was his soulmate.  


Hyunjin couldn’t stand.  
He couldn’t get up. How was he supposed to, after a life altering moment like that? He wasn’t sure how Felix and Seungmin survived it. Hyunjin felt completely numb-like his body was jelly. He wasn’t sure if that was the chest glowing soulmate magic, the discovery of his soulmate’s identity, or the fight from before, but he just knew he couldn’t move.

“Hyunjin? Are you okay?”

“No,” Hyunjin said instantly. “How do you turn this shit off?” he asked, gesturing to his chest. The light had gone from red to gray. 

“I-I don’t know. It didn’t last this long when it happened for us,” Seungmin said quietly. He knelt down next to Hyunjin and looked up at Felix. “It was nothing like this.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t really make sense. Your chest is supposed to glow the first time you touch your soulmate, but you and Jisung had touched before just now.” Jeongin added.

“Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe he’s not actually my soulmate,” Hyunjin said, his words heavy with desperation.

“I’m sorry Hyunjin, but there are no mistakes when it comes to this stuff. I’ve had friends who had situations like this, where their chests didn’t glow until they had known each other for a little longer, or where it didn’t glow until their soulmate touched their chest specifically. Maybe that’s what’s going on here.” Chan explained as he at last took Hyunjin’s hand to help him up. Hyunjin sat up and shook his head.

“Jisung isn’t my soulmate. He can’t be. We hate each other.”

Chan gave Hyunjin a soft look, his eyes gently asking, Do you really hate him?

Hyunjin stared at the floor. “Fine, I don’t hate him. I’ve never actually hated anyone. But he definitely hates me.”

“He really doesn’t, Jinnie. I know it. I’ve talked to him about his fights with you and he says-” Changbin started to defend the rapper, but Hyunjin cut him off.

“Whatever he told you before doesn’t mean shit, because he just told me what everyone’s really been thinking. That I’m worthless, I have no talent, I’m...I’m nothing, I’ll never debut or become anything because I’m...a fucking failure that’s going to let the group down and be the reason we don’t debut and...and I’m...guys, I’m so sorry you’re stuck with me,” Hyunjin wailed. He felt like his body was screeching on the inside, like something was shredding his heart and making the cacophony of nails on a chalkboard. His body ached and he wanted to scream, but he was too exhausted. He crumpled into his friends arms. They rubbed his back and stroked his hair as sobbed. After a few minutes had passed and he had started to calm down, Chan took his hand.

“Hyunjin. I’ve been trying to debut for seven years now. You know I picked you all for this team myself. Out of all those trainees, I picked you seven. Because each and every one of you is special in your own ways. You bring something no one else can. You’re all here because...because I need you,” Chan said, squeezing Hyunjin’s hand toward the end.

“Yeah, how will Chan survive without another Australian around?” Felix joked. Hyunjin smiled slightly and turned to Felix.

“I know you’re joking, but I hope you also know that you’re here because you’re an amazing dancer.”

“So are you,” Felix shot back.

“He’s right. I know people have told you you’re only good for your visuals, but I promise you that was the furthest thing from my mind when I picked you. You’ve got this passion and hardworking muscle in you that I’ve seen a surprisingly small amount the last seven years. You have this fire in you that burns so bright; I wish you could see it.”

“We can all see it right now,” Jeongin quipped. Hyunjin smiled bitterly, rolling his eyes. The rays his chest was emitting were a more dark blue now.

“None of what Jisung said is true. You are not just something, you’re someone. Someone who’s going to do amazing things, okay?” Minho reassured, placing a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

Hyunjin sniffed. “Okay.”

The light fully shifted into a gentle blue, which actually made Hyunjin feel good.

“Sorry to leave you, but I need to check up on Jisung.” Changbin said from the other side of the room. Hyunjin hadn’t noticed him packing his stuff, but he was now in the doorway with his practice bag on his shoulders.

“Wait up hyung, I want to come with you.” Felix called, standing up and racing to the door.

“I’ll come too,” Minho said as he went to join them.

“Okay. Text me to let me know how it goes,” Chan said. They all nodded and left. The leader turned back to Hyunjin.

“How are you feeling?

Hyunjin exhaled. “This might sound weird, but...honestly, right now, my feelings are: I want to dance.”

And so he danced, because it was what he loved and what made him happy. He freestyled his emotions until he felt like he was a towel that had been wrung dry. He looked through a folder he had in his phone of photos of Kkami before settling into sleep, partly thinking to himself that the things Jisung said were true, but mostly just feeling so, so, so grateful for his friends.

“Jisung, are you here? It’s Changbin and Minho hyung. Felix is here too. We wanted to check up on you.”

Jisung pulled up his blanket to cover his head and tried to curl into himself as much as physically possible. Of course he was still found. Felix ripped away his shield to reveal him shivering in wet clothes, his chest illuminating the dimly lit room with yellow.

“Did you get caught in the storm? Why didn’t you change when you got here?”

Jisung turned so his back was facing his friends. He heard Minho sigh.

“I get that you don’t want to talk right now, but we just want to make sure you’re okay. So can you please tell us how we can help?”

Jisung struggled to get the words out, feeling like he was on the verge of tears again, but he managed to utter them despite fighting an aching lump in his throat. 

“Why aren’t you yelling at me right now?”

“What?”

“I was a total asshole to Hyunjin back there. I don’t deserve your kindness. You should be really mad at me. Yell at me, scold me, tell me I’m a terrible person and that you want to kick me out of the group,” Jisung said, his voice getting softer and softer to the point where no one else heard that last part.

“I agree you were a jerk, and you better come up with a damn good apology, but I know you. I know you wouldn’t have snapped like that if you weren’t going through some stuff too, and I also knew you were going to terribly beat yourself up about it. And I can imagine with the soulmate stuff your feelings got even more complicated. So I know you’re struggling and it made you not yourself. Therefore I want to help, because I’m your friend and I love you, even when you’re a jerk. So?” Changbin finished very matter of factly, holding up a credit card Jisung didn’t see as he was still facing away from him. 

“What’s that for?” Felix asked 

“What’s what for?”

“The credit card.”

“It’s for food to make Jisung feel better.”

Jisung turned in the bed to face his friends.

“If he wants. Or we can talk about feelings, or we can cuddle, or we can just sit here. Or we can all go to bed. Whatever you want to do, Sungie.” Felix gave Jisung a reassuring look that changed the light in his chest from yellow to orange.

“Thank...thank you guys,” Jisung whispered. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Shut up and get out of those wet clothes so we can go get ice cream.”

“Hey, we’re heading out. Just wanted to say goodbye.”

Chan nodded, barely looking up from the mix he was making. “Cool, have fun, be safe. See you on Monday.”

Hyunjin knew he should turn around and leave now, but if he didn’t speak now he’d burst.

“I’m really scared that I’m going to end up alone because my soulmate hates me.”

Chan immediately looked up from his computer and came over to engulf Hyunjin in a hug. A little while after the average hug would end Chan let go and the two sat down on his bed. 

“Jisung doesn’t hate you.”

“Did you hear him the other d-”

“You ever wonder why he supposedly hates you?”

“Because I’m an annoying brat who thinks he’s better than everyone else when he’s actually nothing?” Hyunjin asked gloomily.

“The thing is Jisung supposedly hated you before he even knew you. Every interaction you’ve had since you met has been hostile and angry. He hated you even before you gave him a reason to. Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t really make sense.”

Chan sighed. “You scare him, Hyunjin. He feels threatened by you.”

Hyunjin felt like something had unfolded within him that aligned his previously crooked pieces.

“He’s...jealous?”

“Kind of, yeah. He’s scared you could debut instead of him. Or that for some reason we’ll all decide we like you better than him and kick him out.”

“He...he said this to you?”

“Yeah. Don’t let him know you know, though. He’ll feel even more scared if he realizes he’s been unwillingly made vulnerable to you.”

“Why did you tell me this if he wouldn’t want me to know?”

“Because you need to know to understand him. The Jisung that said those awful things to you the other night isn’t really Jisung. He thinks you’re everything he isn’t, so he sees you as what might keep him from debut. He’s also stressed out in general anyway because Mnet wants to do that program that either us or some other group could end up being on depending on who gets chosen to debut, so he’s pushing himself even harder to make sure he does perfect at the showcase. I woke up at 4 am the other day to find him practicing choreography in the living room. He’s of course always worked hard, but he’s always been so confident. He’s never been this scared that he might not do well enough. But you came along and shook him up.”

Hyunjin stared at the wall for a bit, mouth agape. He couldn’t believe Jisung felt so threatened by him. He was a way better rapper, and he could produce and write lyrics too. He’d also been training for longer, and had more time to get better. To Hyunjin it seemed there was no reason for him to feel like Hyunjin could take his spot, because he was obviously way better. That was another reason why his words had hit so hard the other night. They were not only everything the voices in Hyunjin’s head were already saying, but they were coming from someone much more skilled and experienced than him, so he was probably right. 

But the more Hyunjin thought about it coming from a place of fear, the more sympathetic he was. When Jisung initiated things between them for seemingly no reason, Hyunjin of course fought back, because he thought someone was coming after him for breathing, so he should defend himself. But he’d never disliked Jisung. Jisung never gave Hyunjin a reason to be mean to him except for when he’d start things. And now he could see Jisung wasn’t starting things to be mean-it was his armor to hide his fear of Hyunjin replacing him. 

Not just within the group, but as a friend to all the other members. Hyunjin had partly known this and used it to his advantage in the past to make Jisung feel bad, but he realized now that it probably just made Jisung feel like he wasn’t good enough. Which was how Hyunjin always felt. They felt the same way. They had been going through the same things. They didn’t know how to deal with their fear, so they fought. 

But Hyunjin didn’t want to fight anymore.

“Do you know where Jisung is right now?”

“Yeah, in the kitchen-”

Hyunjin ran out of Chan’s room to the kitchen as fast as he could. When he arrived he found Jisung in an oversized shirt that looked like Minho’s and fuzzy slippers he’d definitely stolen from Felix. Jisung jumped when Hyunjin burst in; startled at the older’s arrival.

“Uh-hi. What, uh what are you doing up so early? It’s Saturday.” 

“...I’m going to Jeongin’s for the weekend. The bus leaves at 7:30.”

Jisung nodded. Suddenly Hyunjin felt awkward. He’d been all dramatic and high on adrenaline before, but now that he was face to face with Jisung, he didn’t know what to do. They’d never had a friendly interaction before. 

“Well I guess this can wait for another time then,” Jisung said as he started to put away whatever he’d been making.

“Were you making that for Jeongin?” Jisung rubbed his arm shyly. 

“I was making it for you.”

“For-for me?”

Jisung nodded, his eyes flitting everywhere around the room but Hyunjin’s face. 

“Why?”

Jisung groaned, putting his head in his hands. When he showed his face again, he made eye contact with Hyunjin.

“I don’t know. I’m not good at apologies. Or cooking.” Jisung sighed. 

“I’m so sorry, Hyunjin. For all the shit I said the other day. I was totally out of line. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t even mean it. You’re-you’re good. You’re so good that it scares me. But that’s no excuse. I was horrible. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I wouldn’t. But you deserve an apology. And I promise I’m done with being an asshole. I’ll be civil and peaceful all the time for the good of the group and us debuting. No more starting fights. I’ll change.”

Hyunjin’s eyes were sad when they met Jisung’s. “You’re not an asshole.”

“Yes I am. I’ve always been an asshole to you.”

“Because you were scared. And I was scared too.”

“But you were never like m-”

“Shut up, I’m forgiving you.”

“You really don’t have to-”

“I understand it all now. You didn’t know how to cope with things, so you picked fights. And I’m at fault for giving into that too. I don’t blame you. And until Thursday, I never felt like you had anything to apologize for, because if you had, I’d be equally guilty of it. And about Thursday, I know what you said isn’t true. I know you didn’t mean it; it wasn’t you. I see you with the others. You’re...you’re a really good person, and a really good friend.”

“To everyone but you,” Jisung mumbled guiltily. Hyunjin walked over to him and grabbed his hands. 

“That’s changing, starting today. We’re starting over.”

Hyunjin let go of one of Jisung’s hands and took the other one in a handshake.

“Hi. I’m Hwang Hyunjin. Dancer, rapper, visual, and father of the cutest dog in existence.” Jisung smiled. Hyunjin’s chest got warm at the realization that for the first time, he’d made Jisung smile. Not an annoying smirk or an irritating simper, but a smile. 

“I’m Han Jisung. Rapper, producer, and vocalist. Also an odd hybrid of Korean and Malayasian despite not being at all Malaysian.”

Hyunjin giggled, and Jisung met his eyes, gratitude evident in them. 

“Thank you for forgiving me.”

Hyunjin exhaled. “You’re welcome. I mean it.” 

“I know.” 

“Hyunjin hyung, we gotta go!” Jeongin called from the other room.

“Have fun in Busan. Say hi to Jeongin’s mom for me.”

Hyunjin pressed his lips together and grinned mischievously. He poked his head out the door of the kitchen. 

“Sorry Innie, but there’s been a change of plans. I’m gonna stay behind.” Hyunjin went back into the kitchen to see Jisung looking perplexed.

“We’re going to have an adventure.”

“What does that mean?”

“I haven’t entirely figured it out yet, but I promise it’ll be fun. Okay?”

Jisung bit his lip. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, I want to really get to know you. I want us to properly start our friendship already. Let’s kick it off with the bang. Just say yes.”

Jisung sighed, a smile forming on his lips. “Alright. Let’s briefly run away together.”

“Can I be double 07?”

“No, that one’s been taken.”

“Then I’ll take it back, as I think I’m the rightful owner of it.”

Hyunjin seemed to be fighting off a smile. The two were in a restaurant having lunch and discussing fake identities they’d assume this weekend because why not?

“I’m going to be double 03.”

“I’ll be double 01.”

“And we’re undercover secret agents trying to unravel the corrupt government that’s taken a hold of us without us even realizing it.”

“Are we still playing pretend? Cause that could be out government. Or any government. There’s messed up stuff going on everywhere.”

Hyunjin nodded. “You’re right. No society is guiltless. Whether it’s poverty, slavery, war crimes-everyone’s got stuff they’d rather not acknowledge.”

Jisung pursed his lips. “What’s your war crime?”

“What?”

“What’s your thing you’d rather not acknowledge? Something you feel guilty about.”

“The fight I had with my parents when I told them I wanted to be an idol. We’ve talked about it a lot since then and forgiven each other because we both said nasty things, but I’ll probably never stop hating myself at least a little bit for how I made my parents feel. I really cut deep with some of the things I said.” Hyunjin sighed.

“Mine is the fight we had on Thursday.”

Hyunjin nodded sadly. Jisung’s eyes widened as an idea formed in his head.

“If we’re like countries, we’ve got our war crimes AND our moments of pride. Achievements we boast about all the time. What’s that for you?”

The corners of Hyunjin’s lips turned up. “Probably getting into JYP. Getting to tell people that I could possibly debut where Twice, GOT7, DAY6, 2PM and more are makes me feel like I finally did something right.” 

Jisung’s hand slid across the table and squeezed Hyunjin’s fingers.

“You’ve done a lot of things right.”

Hyunjin was beaming now, which made Jisung happier than he expected. 

“What’s your moment of pride?”

“Hmm...probably writing I See. I didn’t know I could make lyrics like that before then. I think that’s when I started to really think I could do this. I was impressed with myself.”

“Good, because it’s an incredible song.”

Jisung looked up suddenly. “You’ve heard it?”

“Of course. I’ve listened to all of 3RACHA’s songs. Who do you take me for?”

“Yeah but...I hadn’t expected you to hear that one. Because it’s a song of just me. And you didn’t like me until a few hours ago.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “I don’t have to like you to think well of your music. But that wouldn’t apply anyway, because I’ve never disliked you.”

Jisung narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

“I’m being serious. Think about it-did you ever actually dislike me?”

Jisung paused to think for a few seconds. 

“...Actually, no. I don’t think I did. I was annoyed by you, threatened by you-but I didn’t dislike you.”

“Same here.”

Jisung chuckled. “Then we have something in common.”

“That we do, Jisung. That we do.”

Their food arrived and they clinked forks before eating. Conversation was surprisingly easy. Jisung couldn’t believe he’d spent so long fighting Hyunjin when it turned out they made a good pair. Jisung definitely saw him and Hyunjin becoming best friends, like how they were with all the other members. It made him happy that they could be a whole family now.

“What are you smiling about?” Hyunjin teased. 

“Just...I’m really glad we’re friends now.” 

Hyunjin smiled fondly. “Me too. By the way, do you want to go shopping after this? I’ve been meaning to get new sunglasses. I’ve also got to start looking for birthday presents for Felix and Seungmin. And you now, but I won’t with you around of course.” 

“Sure, but don’t forget we have to be careful with money. I don’t have much, and we have to pay for the hotel, meals and transportation for when we go back.”

Hyunjin smirked triumphantly. “Trust me, we don’t have to worry.” He pulled a blue rectangle out of his pocket that looked suspiciously like-

“Changbin hyung’s credit card! You stole it?”

Hyunjin giggled, and although Jisung had heard him giggle before, he felt like this was the first time he heard it, because only now was he realizing how adorable it was.

“Yeah, but I also texted him saying I took it. He’s so happy we’re hanging out that he doesn’t care. Besides, his family’s rich. He’ll be fine.”

“You’re sneaky.”

“I prefer the term clever.”

“What’s wrong with sneaky?”

“It just reminds me of Swiper the fox from Dora the Explorer, and he was a bad guy, so-“

Jisung cut Hyunjin off with a laugh. Hyunjin was surprised at first, as he had been totally serious, but he ended up laughing too. Suddenly they were in hysterics, tearing up in the restaurant and receiving some odd looks. It hadn’t even been that funny, but sometimes, when one is with the right person, they can easily find an excuse to be happy, Jisung thought to himself. 

(What Jisung didn’t know was that when Hyunjin heard him laugh, he felt exactly like Jisung just had. He just now realized that it was the best sound he’d ever heard. Hyunjin also hadn’t heard Jisung laugh that much before anyway, as he was always the one making the jokes. But now he played it over in his head-round, warm, and full. A bit goofy and really, really cute.)

“I remember when we were your age.” An elderly woman in a blue sweater sitting to Jisung’s right said. He turned to her. He and Hyunjin were on the bus, heading towards their next adventure. Jisung had mentioned he had been toying with a song idea but wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it. Hyunjin had offered to give commentary on what he had so far, so Jisung got out his phone and earbuds and now Hyunjin was listening to it. 

“Don’t you remember, jagiya? We had just found out we were soulmates. Ah, we were so happy.” The woman in blue continued. 

Another elderly woman in a purple sweater sitting next to her smiled. “I had moved from Lagos only three weeks before. We met in school and were assigned to do a project together. One day I was at your house to work on it, and almost tripped on a book. I grabbed your arm to steady myself and our chests were flashlights.” The woman in purple sighed contently, gazing at the woman in blue warmly. 

“I would say it was the best moment of my life, but that wouldn’t be true, because since then I’ve had so many more incredible moments with you.” The woman in blue cooed and kissed her wife’s hand.

Jisung beamed. “I hope I find a love like yours someday.”

The woman in blue tilted her head in confusion. “Haven’t you done that already?” She nodded in Hyunjin’s direction. 

“The way you were talking and laughing seemed pretty smitten to me.” 

Jisung started blushing furiously. “N-no! We-we’re just, uh...you know we-we aren’t-“

“You aren’t soulmates?” The woman in purple asked. 

Jisung’s cheeks got even warmer. “No, we...we are.” 

“Then why do you protest?”

“It’s just-“ Jisung ran a hand through his hair. “Until this morning, we were sort of mortal enemies. We just became friends and I don’t want to complicate or jeopardize that.”

The woman in blue chuckled. “Excuses, excuses. You two can go at your own pace, do what you need to do, just remember to invite us to the wedding, okay?” The woman in purple laughed and swatted her wife’s arm.

“Stop it jagiya, you’re scaring him. Listen-whatever path you choose to go down, make sure to always do what’s best for you. Do what you want-no matter what color your chest is.”

Jisung smiled. “Thank you.”

“Sung, this song is incredible!” Jisung turned back to Hyunjin, who was rambling at a surprisingly rapid speed about how much he loved the song and how good he thought it was. Jisung was extremely flattered, but mostly enamored by the excitement in Hyunjin’s face. He couldn’t believe how he never noticed before how enchanting Hyunjin was when he was talking about something he really cared about. Suddenly Jisung wanted Hyunjin to talk to him for hours about all the things he loved. 

Hyunjin stopped suddenly when he realized he’d spit because he was talking so fast. His eyes went round and his cheeks turned pink. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

“Sorry, guess I got a little carried away. Oh god, I just remembered I didn’t put on any makeup this morning. I must look horrible right now.” 

Jisung shook his head. “You’re beautiful,” he said softly. He sat up straight. Did he really just say that?

Hyunjin looked at Jisung dubiously. "Really? Or are you messing with me?”

Jisung was now extremely nervous. He worried that if he didn’t deny it it would make things awkward, but he didn’t want to lie. So he told the truth. 

“No, I’m being serious. You’re beautiful.”

Hyunjin looked down at his lap. Sunlight was shining through the window behind him, giving him a golden aura. Even celestial objects seemed to be enforcing the “Hyunjin is beautiful” agenda.

“People tell me I’m good looking all the time. I know I’m handsome. But…” Hyunjin looked up to meet Jisung’s eyes.

“You say it to me and it’s like I’ve never heard it before.”

“Is that a bad thing?” 

Hyunjin shook his head, smiling peacefully.

“No. It’s just different.”

“And different is...good?”

“It’s not bad.”

“So its’s good.”

Hyunjin bumped his shoulder to Jisung’s. “You’re annoying.”

“I thought you would have figured this out by now.”

Hyunjin smiled, rolling his eyes.

“I hate you.”

Jisung grinned. “Love you too.”

“Hyunjin, look! It’s a merry go round!”

Hyunjin laughed. “Yes, it is.”

“Let’s go ride it!”

Hyunjin hesitated. “It’s meant for kids though.” 

“Are you an adult?”

“...No.”

“Then it’s meant for us too. Besides, age shouldn’t dictate whether or not you relish in the joys of carousels. Let’s go!” Jisung ran forward and Hyunjin followed him, though at a much more relaxed pace. The two of them were at the zoo. They had just looked at the lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!) and now were apparently going on an insect themed carousel. Though Hyunjin didn’t mind. He had realized he was enjoying himself no matter what they did, as long as they  
were together. The most fun of all was just being with Jisung. He was easily excited by anything and everything, and Hyunjin had a hard time not finding that adorable. 

“Jinnie, come on! Let’s get on!”

Hyunjin smiled amusedly, trying to ignore the fact that Jisung calling him a nickname made him blush. He mounted a ladybug while Jisung clambered onto a moth. 

“You know moths are just the uglier, worse version of butterflies, right?”

Jisung crosses his arms. “I strongly disagree. I believe moths are superior to butterflies.”

“Really?”

“Totally. They’re soft, cute, and they look like Pokémon-“

“Oh, I wasn’t saying really because I wanted you to further explain. I was saying really because I’m shocked you really believe that.”

Hyunjin chuckled while Jisung rolled his eyes. Jisung was about to buckle the little seatbelt that was wrapped around the pole (“Do you really need that, Sung? Your feet touch the ground.” “It’s part of the experience, Jin,”) when he and Hyunjin heard a child crying.

“Mommy...where are you Mommy? I want my Mommy,” the high pitched voice wailed. Jisung and Hyunjin turned around to see a little girl no older than five clutching a bat plushie standing just outside of the carousel. Jisung dismounted from his ladybug and walked to the edge of the carousel. 

“Hey there. Are you lost?” 

The little girl turned to Jisung. “I wanted to get on but they all have people and I can’t leave and and I can’t find my mommy,” she said through tears.

“It’s okay. Why don’t you ride with me and my friend Hyunjin? We can help you find your mommy after.”

The girl hesitated but nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m Jisung. What’s your name?”

“Yerim.” 

“That’s a beautiful name. Does your bat have a name?”

A small smile appeared on Yerim’s face. “Not yet, but I’ve been thinking about what to name him. Do you have any ideas?”

Jisung offered Yerim his hand and she took it. He helped her onto the carousel and they walked over to Hyunjin and the moth. Jisung helped Yerim onto the moth and strapped her in. He held onto the pole of Hyunjin’s ladybug. 

“Well I really like dramas, so I think you should name your spider after the actor Han Segye. What do you think, Hyunjin?”

“I like music, so I think Wonpil is a good idea. Do you know Wonpil?”

Yerim shook her head.

“Ask your mom to show you DAY6. It’ll change your life.”

Yerim smiled. “Okay.” 

The ride started and the lights turned on. Yerim oohed as Jisung aahed. Hyunjin smiled amusedly at the two of them. He couldn’t tell who was the child.

“Look Yerim! Do you see, right at the door? There’s a peacock!”

Yerim gasped. “It’s so pretty!”

“They must let the peacocks run loose here. Or maybe...they escaped...to feast on your adorable bones!” Jisung started to tickle Yerim at the end of his sentence, and she started giggling hysterically.

“Oppa-oppa, stop!” Yerim begged, but with a huge smile on her face. Jisung ceased torturing her. Yerim started to suck her thumb as her moth went up. She gasped.

“It’s going up! We’re lifting!”

“We are!” 

“Do you think it can take us to space?”

“Absolutely. We might end up meeting some Martians.” 

Hyunjin watched Jisung with a look of impressed intrigue on his face. He had never seen this side of him before.

“Mommy! I see my Mommy!” Yerim pointed to a frantic looking woman speaking to the ticketer for the carousel.

“As soon as the ride stops, we’ll take you to her.”

“Okay!” Yerim seemed like she no longer needed the reassurance though. She wasn’t scared anymore. Instead she was smiling and giggling and looking up at Jisung like he was her brother despite the fact that they’d met less than five minutes ago. Hyunjin was just surprised-he’d never imagined that Jisung was someone who liked children. Then again until a couple days ago, Hyunjin refused to think of Jisung as anything but a frustrating asshole.

“Yay!” Yerim cheered, and Hyunjin suddenly realized the ride had ended. Jisung unbuckled Yerim from the moth and helped her get down. He held one of her hands and Hyunjin took the other. They stepped off the carousel and walked towards the ticketer and Yerim’s mother. Yerim ran towards her mom, dropping Hyunjin and Jisung’s hands to wrap her arms around her mother’s legs. 

“Mommy!” Yerim’s mother looked down, relieved, and returned the embrace.

“I’m really happy you’re okay, but you can’t just run off like that, you know? I need to know where you are.”

“But it was fine, Mommy. Jisung and Hyunjin oppa were there to save me.” Yerim gestured to the aforementioned boys, who bowed to her mother. 

“They’re super cool.” 

“Thank you.” Yerim’s mother said to Hyunjin and Jisung. 

“No problem. But Yerim, do you want to know the secret to being cool?” Jisung asked, bending down to meet Yerim’s eyes.

“What?”

“Listening to your mom.” 

Yerim grinned. “I’m going to name my bat after you.”

They all bid their goodbyes and Yerim and her mother went off, hand in hand. Jisung sighed happily. Hyunjin turned to him.

“I thought you were an only child.” 

“I am.”

“Then how are you so good with kids?”

Jisung’s face broke out into a gummy smile. 

“Maybe because they’re cute and I’m cute so we speak the same cute language.”

Hyunjin shoved Jisung gently. Jisung snickered. 

“Seriously though. I’ve never seen you like that.”

Jisung shrugged. “It sort of comes naturally to me. I don’t really think about it. I guess I’m a child whisperer.” 

Hyunjin smiled fondly and took Jisung’s hand. “You’re really sweet, you know that?”

Jisung’s gummy smile returned. “Thank you. You are very kind.”

“Well you are very cute.”

“You are very funny.”

“You are-wait, why does it feel like we’re arguing?”

Jisung laughed. “Guess we’ll always be competitive with each other.”

“Guess so.”

Jisung squeezed Hyunjin’s hand before letting go. 

“Come on, the hippos await us!”

“Didn’t you learn choreo for this song?”

Hyunjin tilted his head in thought-like a puppy when they’re confused. The two were walking from the bus stop to the aquarium when they stumbled upon a busker singing a JYP song Jisung couldn’t remember the title of, but sounded extremely familiar. 

“Oh my god, I did! I totally forgot about that. I think I spent the entirety of last November trying to master a body roll.”

Jisung laughed. “Care to demonstrate?”

Hyunjin put up a finger, asking Jisung to wait a moment. A few seconds later the chorus began and Hyunjin started dancing. A few of the people in the crowd that had gathered for the busker started looking at him, turning their phones in Hyunjin’s direction to film his dance. Jisung wondered if Hyunjin even noticed them-it always seemed to him that when Hyunjin was dancing, nothing else in the world existed. That was definitely how Jisung always felt watching Hyunjin dance. He couldn’t possibly look at anything else. When Hyunjin danced, he became a magnet that no one could escape. Even before now Jisung had always been amazed at Hyunjin’s presence on stage. When Hyunjin danced, he became the sun, and everyone else was in his orbit. Jisung wasn’t sure what exactly it was about how he danced that made him so captivating, but it was something he had barely seen in other dancers. No one else could ever be as...irresistible as Hyunjin was.

Irresistible? Jisung thought to himself. Why do I feel like I should be worried about the fact that I want to describe Hyunjin that way?

“Thank you,” Hyunjin said as the crowd clapped. He held a hand out to the busker and the audience clapped for her as well. Jisung snapped back to reality. Hyunjin walked over to him.

“How was I?”

Jisung wanted to gush, but he was suddenly afraid to. Why was it as the day went on he seemed to be getting more and more nervous around Hyunjin? More hesitant to compliment him? More likely to overthink and wonder about the implications of the things he said?

“That bad, huh?” Hyunjin chuckled weakly at Jisung’s silence. 

“Oh god, no! No, no, of course not. Definitely not. You’re-you’re amazing, of course. Obviously. You’re always amazing. I-I mean-you know, you-you always dance really well because you’re super talented. Of course. Duh.”

Why couldn’t Jisung talk properly? Why were his palm sweaty? Why were his ears red? Why was his breath rapid?

Hyunjin smiled sympathetically. “You know if you didn’t like it you could just tell me. I can take it. You don’t have to lie and pretend that you thought I was good when I wasn’t.”

“It’s not that; it really isn’t. I don’t know why I’m so bad at this. I’m a lyricist, for god’s sake. I should be good with words. I really loved your performance. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry-”

“Jisung, it’s fine. Are you okay?”

Jisung paused. He had been fine not so long ago. There had been a slight undercurrent of worry at how he had called Hyunjin beautiful so seriously earlier, because normally Jisung wouldn’t do something like that, but it hadn’t really bothered him. Now for some reason he was tongue tied and panicking, like he was talking to his crush-

Oh no.

No no.

No no no no no no no.

Jisung had to put a stop to whatever that was right there, right now. He did not have a crush on Hyunjin. He couldn’t have a crush on Hyunjin. He wouldn’t have a crush on Hyunjin. He didn’t care if they were soulmates. He couldn’t let it happen. Things had been going well so far on their little adventure, but in reality their friendship was quite fragile. Like Jisung had said to the couple on the bus, he didn’t want to complicate or jeopardize what they had at the moment. For the sake of the team, but also because now that Jisung could see who Hyunjin really was, he didn’t want to lose him. Jisung couldn’t ruin their friendship because he was suddenly flustered around Hyunjin. Now that he could see past his anger, there should be no reason for Jisung to feel strange about them being soulmates, but he still did because it scared him. Friendships are sturdier and harder to lose than romantic relationships. For the good of both of them, and what they had built today, Jisung couldn’t encourage these feelings. They had to stay friends.

“Jisung!”

“S-sorry. I got distracted.”

“Seriously, are you okay?”

Jisung was ready to say he was fine, but his body betrayed him. He sighed and sank down to sit on the curb. Hyunjin joined him.

“You know when your feelings are a certain way that you don’t want them to be? Like you want to be feeling something different than what you’re actually feeling? Your desires are conflicting with your reality?” Jisung asked, hoping he was vague enough that Hyunjin couldn’t put together what he was talking about. 

“For sure. Like I want to be confident and love myself and whatever, but it’s really hard. I wish I could get myself to actually believe it when people compliment me. When I try to think positively about myself, it doesn’t seem to get through. I want to have a good self esteem, but it won’t happen. It’s super annoying. And frustrating.”

Jisung nodded. “And it’s weird, the stuff that we want sometimes. The things that end up making a home for themselves in our hearts.” He smiled bitterly. “They always seem to get settled when we don’t want them to.”

“Our hearts never agree with our heads. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants.”

“The Selena Gomez teas.”

Hyunjin smiled. “Exactly.”

Jisung sighed decisively. “I probably think more than I should. I’m going to try not thinking for now.”

“I thought that’s what you always did.”

Hyunjin dodged Jisung playfully swatting at him. Jisung stood up, offering a hand to Hyunjin. 

“Come on. We have an adventure to continue.” 

“Oh my gosh, there’s an octopus! It scared me! It was camouflaged so I didn’t know it was there. Gosh that’s so cool. Hello octopus! I think you’re a super cool and underrated sea creature!”  
Jisung waved at the octopus as it swam away. Hyunjin giggled. He was filming a video of Jisung on his phone for later, to remember this day. 

Jisung looked up at the manta rays swimming above them. His face was illuminated by blue light and wonder. He brought his eyes back down to look at Hyunjin, overwhelmingly giddy. Hyunjin was enchanted by Jisung’s childlike excitement, so he just followed the younger, watching him through the camera of his phone.

“Hyunjin, come on! I want to see the penguins.” Jisung ran forward and snatched Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin let himself be dragged forward to the next room, where black and yellow birds hopped and walked and swam. Jisung’s eyes were wide as he watched them, and Hyunjin didn’t know how to look away. What was better than seeing Jisung so happy? Probably nothing. 

Hyunjin didn’t know how he hadn’t seen for so long how adorable and sweet Jisung really was. Just being with him was making Hyunjin feel safe and warm. He was starting to think that them being soulmates...might actually make sense.  
It terrified Hyunjin to admit that. Even to himself. They had spent one day together as friends after months of fighting, and Hyunjin already felt something romantic for Jisung. How did he feel this way so soon? If you told Hyunjin from Wednesday that he was about to get a crush on Jisung, he would have laughed in your face. But Hyunjin from today was starting to see that Jisung was actually very easy to love. 

The thought of loving Jisung scared Hyunjin even more. He couldn’t be in love with him. Not yet. Hyunjin loved people as friends quite quickly, so it must be that. But he could be on the track to maybe...possibly...growing to love Jisung in that way as well. 

Even scarier.

“Hey, you okay?” Jisung asked, squeezing Hyunjin’s hand.

“Yeah, I’m good.” (Hyunjin was luckily one of those people that was good at pretending he was fine when he wasn’t.)

“So...can we go to the gift shop?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Jisung continued to drag Hyunjin along by his hand until they arrived at the gift shop and Jisung went to ogle at the stuffed animals. Hyunjin watched him for a bit, but then found himself intrigued by a display of snow globes. Inside was a coral reef; insanely colorful and bright. When he shook it, instead of confetti raining down, there were tiny starfish that made Hyunjin smile.

“You gonna get that?” Hyunjin turned around to see Jisung standing behind him, a visor on his head and arms full of plushies. Hyunjin smiled at how cute he looked, but his heart immediately felt like talons had sunk into it. Happiness slipped away from his face and he put the snow globe down.

“No. I’m not going to get anything.”

Jisung frowned. “Something’s definitely wrong. What’s up?” He put down the plushies and took Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin gritted his teeth at the fact that his heartbeat sped up when Jisung touched him.

“It’s nothing.”

“Your feelings aren’t nothing. Come on, talk to me.”

Hyunjin sighed. “Sung-“

“Oh my god!” 

Hyunjin turned around at the sound and saw two people whose chests were glowing. They were blushing as they looked at each other. People oohed and aaahed at how pretty it was. Some clapped. When Hyunjin turned back around, Jisung’s eyes were on the floor.

“We should go,” he mumbled. Something in Hyunjin’s stomach tugged and he spoke before he could think of the consequences of what he was about to say. 

“Are you disappointed?” 

Jisung looked up. “What?”

Hyunjin gulped. There was no going back now.

“Are you disappointed that I’m your soulmate?”

Jisung’s ears went pink and he looked down again. “Aren’t you?” He mumbled softly. Hyunjin felt like Jisung might as well have slapped him. He felt heat building up behind his eyes.

“What if I wasn’t disappointed? What if...what if I was happy that we’re soulmates?”

Jisung’s head whipped up. “Are you?”

Hyunjin had to be very careful now with what he said next.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Are you disappointed that we’re soulmates?”

Jisung rubbed the back of his neck. His cheeks were now pink as well as his ears. 

“I don’t know.”

Hyunjin forced himself to exhale. He was okay. He was fine. Everything was okay. (At least that’s what he told himself. His body was getting ready to cry.)

“Well, sorry you’re stuck with me. You deserve someone better than a bratty, annoying, talentless idiot who will never amount to anything.”

Jisung’s face softened, full of guilt and concern.

“Hyunjin-“

“Shut up. Just-just shut up.” Hyunjin stormed away, knowing he was seconds from crying, which was something he definitely didn’t want Jisung to see. He made his way to the bathroom and locked himself into the stall. He sank to the ground and sobbed, feeling guilty for making Jisung feel bad when it wasn’t his fault if he didn’t like Hyunjin in that way. Hyunjin didn’t know what was wrong with him. How was he already such a mess over someone that just 72 hours ago, he thought he despised?

“Hyunjin? Are you in here?” Jisung called out. Hyunjin took a deep breath. 

“Yeah Sung, I’m here.”

“Which stall?”

“Middle.”

“Can I come in?”

Hyunjin sighed and unlocked the door. “Be my guest.”

Jisung came into the bathroom stall and sat on the floor next to where Hyunjin was sitting. Their knees were touching. Hyunjin wiped at his eyes with his shirt.

“I’m so sorry,” Jisung whispered. Hyunjin shook his head, feeling the tears coming back full force.

“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that back there.”

“And I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. I’m really, really sorry.”

“I know, and I forgive you,” Hyunjin croaked. He buried his face in his knees and Jisung rubbed his back. He moved his legs so Hyunjin could put his head on Jisung’s thigh. Jisung stroked Hyunjin’s hair as he cried. 

“I’m not disappointed we’re soulmates,” Jisung whispered after a bit.

“You’re not?”

“No. But I’m not sure if I’m happy either. I don’t know how I feel about it. “

Hyunjin smiled the smallest bit. He could take that. “That’s okay.”

“I just never expected it to be you.”

“Yeah. Same here.”

“But I’m not disappointed, okay? I promise.” 

Jisung found Hyunjin’s hand and took it, giving it a squeeze. Hyunjin smiled gratefully. “Thanks Sung. I’m not disappointed either.”

“You’re not?”

Hyunjin chuckled. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I don't know. Guess I figured you would be at least a little sad that you couldn’t end up with someone hotter.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Shut up. You’re hot.” (If only Hyunjin could tell Jisung to the full extent how hot he actually thought he was.)

Hyunjin didn’t see it, but Jisung blushed. “Thank you. You’re-you’re a really powerful dancer, you know? I see you practicing. And no offense to Minho and Felix-they’re obviously amazing in their own ways-but whenever I watch you three rehearse, my eyes always go to you. You’re just...so captivating.”

“But I’m not a good rapper. Or as good of a singer as you. And I can’t produce songs. How did you feel threatened by me?” Hyunjin lifted himself off Jisung’s leg and sat up. 

“Chan and Changbin are already in the group, and they both are great rappers and producers. With them here, it feels like I’m not really needed. The group has a solid rap line. What I should be is a strong dancer or visual, but I’m neither of those things. And everyone automatically loves you when they meet you. That doesn’t happen with me. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m weird. You’re easily likeable. I bet you’re popular at school. If we debuted in a group, it’s hard for me to see any fans choosing me as their bias. But I bet everyone would bias you.” Jisung paused, looking down at his fingers.

“I guess I’m just not special.”

“Do-do you even hear yourself? Are you serious? Jisung, you are such an incredible songwriter and performer that it’s ridiculous. The group needs you because your rap brings something new to our sound. We need variety, which is something you definitely bring. And that song you showed me today was insanely good. I have no idea how you think you’re not special, cause I honestly feel like JYP is lucky you chose to train there. When we debut-“

“If,” Jisung corrected him.

“No, WHEN we debut I know the fans are going to love you. They’ll think you’re adorable and funny and sweet and talented and have a big heart, which you do. You’ll be plenty people’s bias. You’re amazing, Jisung. We need you in the group. We aren’t the same without you.” Hyunjin had interlaced their fingers towards the end of his speech.

“We aren’t the same without you either.”

“Please, you have Minho and Felix-“

“Bitch I’m about to throw your own words back at you. We need variety-“ Jisung slapped Hyunjin’s thigh with every syllable in variety, which made Hyunjin laugh “and you bring it! Minho’s a beautiful dancer that’s about precision, and Felix is an explosive dancer with a lot of energy. But you’re compelling and command attention to you with every performance. It’s hard to draw your eyes away when you start dancing. You’re strong and sexy-“ Hyunjin tried to act like his heartbeat didn’t speed up ridiculously when Jisung said he was sexy- “And passionate and funny and loving and have the cutest laugh I’ve ever heard.”

“Wait, I do?”

“Duh! If rainbows had a sound, it would be your laugh.”

“But your laugh is so precious-“

“God no, my laugh is so ugly. It’s a gross cackle.”

Hyunjin smiled, shaking his head.

“Not to me. I think it’s adorable.”

Jisung blushed. “Thank you.”

“Thank you. I needed that.” Hyunjin squeezed Jisung’s hand.

“Of course.” 

“Now let’s go get your plushies and my snow globe.”

“Don’t forget the visor! It’s very important. I need it because it’s fashionable, Hyunjin. You hear that? Visors are fashionable. We should probably get you a visor…”

“I’m cold.”

Jisung looked up from the TV to see Hyunjin enter from the bathroom (hair still wet, which Jisung had a hard time not finding kind of hot) and immediately snuggle up on his bed under the covers. They had gone from the aquarium to have dinner and then checked themselves into the hotel they were currently in. 

“You can borrow my hoodie,” Jisung said, unzipping his sweater. 

“Or…” Hyunjin slunk out from under his covers and lept onto Jisung’s bed. He sat on his knees and met Jisung’s eyes.

“We could cuddle. If you want.”

Jisung beamed. “Come here.”

Hyunjin went into Jisung’s arms, putting his head on Jisung’s chest. Jisung put his arm around Hyunjin and smelled his hair. 

“What kind of fancy ass hotel shampoo did you find in there? You smell like flowers.” 

Hyunjin giggled. “I brought mine from home.”

“Weirdo.”

Hyunjin poked at Jisung’s waist. Jisung made a noise of protest..

“Don’t do that. I’m ticklish.”

“Oh, are you?”

“Wait, please don’t-“

Hyunjin started to attack Jisung with tickles, which made him laugh hysterically but also brought tears to his eyes. 

“Ple-please...no! Hyun...Hyunjin! St...stop! Hyunjiiiinnn…” Jisung pleaded. Eventually Hyunjin conceded and collapsed back into Jisung’s arms, smiling up cheekily at him. He giggled at Jisung’s rumpled hair and panting chest.

“I hate you.”

“It’s mutual,” Hyunjin said as he took the remote from Jisung. He channel surfed until Jisung yelped suddenly.

“What?”

“Go back a couple.”

Hyunjin retreated two channels and saw what looked like the beginning of Tangled playing. Jisung squealed.

“I love this movie! Have you ever seen it?”

“I have, but I don’t really remember it. It was once a long time ago. Which princess is it about again?”

Jisung stared at Hyunjin, jaw dropped. “Today has been magical, but after asking that if you don’t love this movie we’re going to have to be enemies again.”

Hyunjin laughed. “Then let’s watch it.”

Jisung smiled, snuggling Hyunjin in even closer and pulling the covers over his legs. They joked, laughed, sang, cried and debated the workings of the world’s magic until Hyunjin couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. As soon as it ended he allowed himself to give in to sleep. Jisung hummed along to the song playing during the credits and checked his messages. Chan had asked if they were doing okay and Jisung assured that they were better than okay. Jisung smiled down at Hyunjin after sending the message, brushing his bangs out of his eyes so he could see Hyunjin better. It was in this moment that Jisung realized he had never seen Hyunjin so relaxed. 

Hyunjin still lived at home while Jisung was at the dorms, so he had never seen him sleeping before. Jisung has definitely seen him tired, but he had never seen him when he was asleep. He seemed calm in a way Jisung had never seen Hyunjin be. With a sad smile, Jisung put together that it was probably because Hyunjin had never been so calm in front of Jisung before. At least never this vulnerable. What made Jisung melt a little was the thought that Hyunjin probably didn’t even realize he was being vulnerable right now. He just really trusted Jisung. Even subconsciously. Jisung didn’t know what he’d done to deserve all of this. He had been a major asshole on Thursday yet Hyunjin had forgiven him, was empathetic towards him, and ditched a weekend in Busan with Jeongin to bond with Jisung. He not only buried the hatchet (which he was really mature and kind to do) but wanted to plant something new over it together. How could Jisung have ignored for so long what a wonderful person Hyunjin was?

“Ji...Jisung...”

Jisung jumped the smallest bit, startled at Hyunjin’s sleep talking. Especially Hyunjin saying his name in sleep. Of all possible words. He unconsciously said Jisung’s name. That fact may or may not have made Jisung start shaking. You can’t prove anything. Jisung exhaled and turned off the lamp on the nightstand between their beds (though Hyunjin’s was now empty.) Jisung circled his arms around Hyunjin’s midriff and tried to go to sleep, but was unsuccessful. He kept tossing and turning to a minimum as to not disturb Hyunjin, but he was definitely fidgety as he struggled to relax. Eventually he got out of bed and went to the bathroom, phone in hand. He sat down on the bathtub.

j.one: you still awake 

spearb: unfortunately, yes

j.one: why go to sleep 

spearb: i’m working on songs hypocrite 

spearb: why are you still up

j.one: idk i just can’t seem to fall asleep

spearb: anything on your mind?

j.one: no, dr. seo

j.one: i’m doing good

spearb: are you sure?

j.one: no i’m pretty sure i like hyunjin which is scary and sort of pathetic and ridiculous and crazy and i don’t know what to do

spearb: wow okay

spearb: you could tell him? that might make you feel better

j.one: hyung we’ve been friends for less than twelve hours and you think it’s a good idea to be like btw! i think you’re insanely pretty and sweet and admirable and i want to cuddle you constantly and call you pet names and get you gifts and go ice skating as an excuse to hold hands

spearb: first of all gross

spearb: second of all honesty is a good start to friendship! and it wouldn’t be the craziest thing. you two are soulmates, after all

j.one: what if it makes things weird?

spearb: i don’t think it will

j.one: why do you say that

spearb: idk i just have a good gut feeling 

spearb: trust my gut

j.one: that’s the last thing i want to do

j.one: but i think you’re right

j.one: i’ll talk to him about it tomorrow 

spearb: good luck

j.one: thanks

j.one: i’m going to try to sleep now 

j.one: you should too

spearb: fine mom

spearb: goodnight

Jisung smiled and tucked his phone into his pocket. He splashed his face with water, flipped off the light and stepped out of the bathroom. When he emerged, he saw Hyunjin sitting up in bed.

“Oh I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

Hyunjin turned around and walked up to Jisung. His chest was glowing yellow. Jisung looked down at his own, but there was no light coming from it. He looked back up to see a nervous looking Hyunjin in front of him, his eyes on the floor. Jisung took his hand.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Hyunjin gulped. “Can…” He exhaled.

“It’s okay. You can tell me, whatever it is. Go ahead.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Now Jisung’s chest went bright yellow. Everything around him solidified into a singular eternal moment of paralysis. He thought he might be able to see individual atoms that made up Hyunjin’s terrified, yet, as always, beautiful face. 

“Wh-what?”

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said anything, I shouldn’t have-“ Hyunjin started to turn around, but Jisung grabbed his wrist.

“Wait. It-it’s fine, it’s more than fine, actually, just...are you sure?”

Hyunjin slowly smiled. “Yeah. I’m very, very, very sure.”

Jisung leaned in so he and Hyunjin were nose to nose. He sucked in a breath.

“I’m scared,” Jisung whispered. Hyunjin nodded, pressing his forehead to Jisung’s.

“Me too. But we can be scared...together.”

Jisung nodded. “Okay.”

They both leaned in and their lips met. Their chests both went pink and Hyunjin smiled into the kiss, which made Jisung smile too. Jisung wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and Hyunjin placed his hands at Jisung’s waist. They curved into each other; angling themselves to fit each other’s bodies. Jisung felt complete. Not like Hyunjin completed him, because they were each their own complete person, but just like he’d become one with Hyunjin, and that made Jisung feel very full and warm inside.

Jisung tried to press Hyunjin’s body against his even more than they already were, not wanting a centimeter of space between them. Hyunjin got the message and obliged, and now they were melted together in a beautiful mess.  
Jisung began to kiss Hyunjin fiercely, just wanting more of the older. Jisung wanted to breathe in Hyunjin, taste him, touch him, take him in and never let him go. He didn’t want to look at or think of anyone else, he just wanted Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin reciprocated Jisung’s hunger and started to back up so they fell onto the bed he’d abandoned just a couple hours earlier. Jisung was on top of Hyunjin, running his hands down Hyunjin’s body and moving down to kiss his neck and collarbone. Hyunjin panted and whined when Jisung teased, but moaned when Jisung bit down on a certain spot on Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin covered his mouth.

“S-sorry,” Hyunjin whispered. “I don’t know what that was.”

“Whatever it was, I liked it,” Jisung said huskily. Hyunjin’s eyes widened.

“Seriously? It wasn’t weird?”

Jisung shook his head. Hyunjin blushed.

“So if I were to do it again, you wouldn’t...wouldn’t mind?”

Jisung smiled and shook his head. “Definitely not.”

Hyunjin beamed. “Then carry on.”

Jisung continued to suck, bite, kiss and lick at Hyunjin’s neck until he had definitely left a hickey and was displeased at the fabric barrier between him and the rest of Hyunjin’s body.

“Is it okay if I…?” Jisung made a gesture that looked like he was taking off his shirt. 

“Oh, uh...yeah.”

“Are you sure? Because you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do-”

“Jisung, I want to. Now shut up and undress me.”

Jisung grinned and Hyunjin sat up. Jisung pulled his shirt off and Hyunjin tugged at the hood of Jisung’s sweater. 

“This needs to go.” 

Jisung smiled amusedly. “Oh, does it now?” Hyunjin hit his shoulder. Jisung laughed and Hyunjin whined. 

“Pleeeeaaase?” Hyunjin pouted, and Jisung just couldn’t say no. He took off his hoodie and threw it across the room. He only had a tank top on underneath, so Hyunjin’s eyes immediately went to Jisung’s biceps.

“Whoa, since when are you ripped?” Hyunjin started to touch and squeeze Jisung’s muscles while the younger laughed.

“I started working out with Chan hyung a few months ago. I guess it’s paid off.”

“It definitely has,” Hyunjin said as he leaned in to reconnect their lips. Hyunjin’s hand was on the back of Jisung’s head while Jisung held onto Hyunjin’s neck. Jisung was sitting in Hyunjin’s lap, but pushed Hyunjin back down onto the bed. They kissed harder and more passionately than ever, wanting to stay like this for the rest of time. Their chests’ hot pink radiance the only light around, bodies as close as humanly possible, being not just together, but becoming one whole new experience that they could not wait to learn more about.

But all good things come to an end eventually. It was once Jisung was only in his boxers and Jisung was about to ask if he could take off Hyunjin’s pants that they decided to end it...for now.

“Ji-Jisung,” Hyunjin panted. Jisung didn’t even look up from kissing Hyunjin’s stomach.

“Yeah?”

“We...we should probably...probably stop,” Hyunjin said. Jisung looked up.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, not at all. I’m just...not ready to go there yet.” 

Jisung’s face went red (not that Hyunjin could tell, because the only light source they had was hot pink light.)

“Right. Me-me either.” Jisung lay his head on Hyunjin’s tummy. Hyunjin strokes his hair. Jisung scooted up so his head was on Hyunjin’s chest. They were silent for a bit, just winding down from the heat of the moment and the high they got from each other. Eventually Hyunjin spoke up.

“You don’t have to lie. It’s okay if you want to fuck me.”

Jisung buried his face into Hyunjin’s chest and groaned. Hyunjin laughed.

“I don’t know why that makes me feel like a slut or something,” Jisung mumbled.

“Hey, no slut shaming in this house. Or-hotel room. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to have sex. I want to too. Just not yet.”

“And that’s valid.”

“You being ready is valid too. We’re both valid.”

Jisung snuggled closer to Hyunjin. “Mmm, okay.” 

Silence blanketed them again as Hyunjin continued to stroke Jisung’s hair. The light from their chests slowly died down and Jisung moved to get under the covers. 

“Spoon me?” 

Hyunjin smiled and nodded as he curled his arm around Jisung’s waist. Jisung held onto it and at last fell back into sleep, deciding to push away thoughts of the scary conversation they’d undoubtedly have to have in the morning to just relish in Hyunjin’s warmth.

“How much more do I have to wait? How many more nights do I have to stay up? Until I can see you? Until I can see you. Until I can meet you? Until I can meet you,” Jisung sang softly. Hyunjin slowly sat up, trying not to rustle the covers so Jisung wouldn’t hear him and stop singing. Jisung finished the chorus and Hyunjin realized this was the perfect moment to join him.

“Did I change?” Jisung rapped. “Did I change?” Hyunjin sang immediately after him. Jisung turned around and smiled, and Hyunjin smiled back. They continued to sing together, alternating the singing and rapping parts, but coming together for the chorus. Hyunjin scooted down to the edge of the bed to sit next to Jisung and put his arm around him. They swayed together.

“Snowflakes are falling, getting further away, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you,” Hyunjin and Jisung belted. When it came time for the bridge, Jisung started.

“You know it all, you’re my best friend,” he sang, taking Hyunjin’s hand as a smile spread across his face. Hyunjin smiled back and sang the next line. They sang the rest together probably a bit louder than they should have, and collapsed back onto the bed in a pile of giggles at Jisung’s dramatic rendition of the final line. When they had calmed down, Hyunjin turned to lay on his side so he could face Jisung.

“Hi.”

Jisung turned to look at Hyunjin and beamed. “Hello.”

“I like you. I really do. Like, a lot. I really like you a lot.” Hyunjin paused. “Please pretend that sentence made sense. Anyway, I know it’s stupidly fast, and I’m probably being ridiculous, but I just think it could be really nice if maybe we try-“

“I really like you a lot too.”

Hyunjin, who had been avoiding Jisung’s eyes, looked back up. “Wh-what?”

Jisung chuckled. “How come you’re so surprised? We did make out last night. Unless you forgot. I could remind you, if that’s the case.” Jisung smirked, and normally Hyunjin would blush, but instead he just smiled back with an expression that was equally mischievous.

“Oh really? I think you might have to, because I’m afraid I don’t recall any making out taking place last night.” Jisung grinned and crawled over so he was on top of Hyunjin, hands next to Hyunjin’s head.

“It’s a good thing I’m here to enlighten you.”

“Where would I be without you?”

“Alone and horny on the floor of Jeongin’s room.”

Hyunjin laughed. “You’re right, but I don’t like Jeongin and horny being in the same sentence. He’s just a baby. We have to keep him away from that nonsense.”

Jisung chuckled. “You’re right. I’ll no longer speak of Jeongin in a way that could possibly have sexual connotations.”

“Good. Now, where were we?” Hyunjin asked, placing his arms around Jisung’s neck.

“I was refreshing your memory,” Jisung whispered against Hyunjin’s lips, a cheeky smile on his face. He moved down to plant feather-light kisses on Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin whined.

“Stop teasing.”

Jisung looked up at Hyunjin, grinning. “Make me.”

Hyunjin put a hand on the back of Jisung’s head and pushed it down so they were nose to nose.

“Is this what you wanted?” Hyunjin asked, grabbing the front of Jisung’s sweater and pulling it towards him so their bodies were even closer.

“I mean it’s a good start, but I think you can do better than that.”

“Oh really?” Hyunjin sat up and grabbed Jisung’s arms, rolling the two of them over so Jisung was now on his back with Hyunjin on top of him, pinning his hands down to the bed. He leaned down to whisper into Jisung’s neck.

“Is this good enough?”

Hyunjin wanted to act cool and keep up the flirty suave thing they had going, but he was also really impatient and just wanted to kiss Jisung already, so he hoped that Jisung was planning to surrender soon.

“Almost, sugar. You know that little present I left on your neck last night?”

“I do,” Hyunjin replied, praying Jisung couldn’t tell that Hyunjin almost burst when Jisung called him sugar.

“It seems only fair that you return the favor.”

“Hm...only fair?”

“I think so.”

“Then so be it,” Hyunjin replied, going to kiss, suck, lick and bite at Hyunjin’s neck. Jisung didn’t make any noise at first, but then moaned loudly when Hyunjin bit down hard at one particular spot. Hyunjin looked up and grinned.

“You like that, princess?” 

“Please just kiss me already.”

Hyunjin giggled. “I’m not sure that’s fair, seeing as when I wanted you to kiss me, you teased. Don’t you think I should return that favor?”

Jisung whined. “Please, Hyunjin. You’re really hot and I’m feeling it and-”

“You’re feeling it, huh?”

“Pleeeeeeasse? Unless you don’t want to.”

Hyunjin smiled and moved his head up so they were nose to nose.

“Don’t worry, princess. I want to.”

“Wait.” Jisung sat up and Hyunjin leaned back to sit on his knees.

“Do you mean you want to kiss me, or do you want to...do this? Like, you and me. On dates. In a relationship. Being together. Doing that couple thing. Do you want to?”

Hyunjin smiled and leaned forward to hold Jisung’s hands. 

“Yes baby. I want to do it all with you. I want us to have a tradition of having these types of adventures so I can run away with you. I want your complications too, and your dreary Monday’s, and your rough edges and drool on the corner of your mouth when you wake up and everything else you can imagine. I want you.”

Jisung smiled despite the fact that he was tearing up.

“Really?”

Hyunjin nodded. “Do you want to?”

“God yes. 100% yes. Completely and totally. Please.”

Hyunjin giggled and they kissed, and despite the mood earlier, it wasn’t steamy or passionate, but sweet and tender. Because they were just so happy to have finally made it here that they felt soft. 

“We’re back!” Jisung yelled as he and Hyunjin entered the dorm. They heard Seungmin and Felix say, “hi,” but not even taking their attention away from the TV. Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“They don’t appreciate us.”

“They really don’t.” Jisung sighed in mock disappointment.

“But I think I know how we can get their attention.”

Jisung grinned, grabbing Hyunjin’s hand. “I think I know too.”

Jisung dragged Hyunjin through the hallway by his hand and they arrived in the living room. Felix was laying down, his head in Seungmin’s lap. Both pairs of eyes were still on the TV

“Babe, would you mind getting me some water?”

“Sure thing, princess.” 

Seungmin furrowed his brows in confusion. “Who are you guys talking to? We’ve never called each other ba-”

He paused when he looked up and saw Hyunjin and Jisung kissing. Felix looked up at his boyfriend’s shocked expression and turned to see what he was watching and immediately gasped.

“No way!”

Jisung and Hyunjin pulled apart, both grinning with satisfaction. They turned to their friends and lifted their conjoined hands.

“Way.”

Felix squealed and ran up to hug them both. He began speaking in rapid fire English. Jisung turned to Hyunjin to see if he had any idea what Felix was saying, but he seemed just as clueless. Jisung turned back to Felix.

“Felix.”

“Yeah?” Felix said, pausing his rambling. Jisung and Hyunjin both looked at him like you know until he realized.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I got really excited and forgot.”

“It’s okay, Lix. We’re excited too.”

“Wow...I can’t believe you’re dating! I just hoped at most you’d be civil with each other, but this is awesome! We can go on double dates and make a soulmate group chat, and all wear matching His and His shirts, and-”

“Fuck yeah!”

Hyunjin, Jisung and Felix all turned to see where the noise had come from. It was Changbin, standing in the doorway to the living room. He seemed to be celebrating.

“Are you that excited that we’re home?”

“What? No. I’m excited that I won the bet.”

“Bet?”

Seungmin groaned. 

“As soon as you went on your trip, Changbin bet you’d be a couple by the time you came back. I said it would probably take a little bit longer than that. Jeongin and Minho hyung thought you wouldn’t ever date at all.”

“But they know we’re soulmates.”

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t both cynics that are skeptical about the soulmate system. Anyway, Changbin has clearly won and now I owe him all the allowance I make in a month.” Felix pouted in sympathy and went back to the couch to cuddle Seungmin comfortingly.

“That was the only reason I let you take my credit card, Hyunjinnie. I knew I’d be earning back whatever you’d spent while you had it.”

“How did you know we’d spend less than the amount you bet on?”

“I called my credit card company and told them I had lent my card to a friend for the weekend and to cancel the card if you spent more than what we bet on.”

Jisung was taken aback. “Hold on...when I was texting you last night about how I didn’t know what to do about my feelings for Hyunjin-did you say I should tell him just so we’d get together faster and you’d win the bet?”

Changbin paused. “Am I a bad friend if the answer is yes?”

“Not at all, I’m just impressed.” 

Changbin grinned and went in to hug Hyunjin and Jisung. Seungmin and Felix joined them. In that moment Chan emerged from his room and saw his friends holding each other and smiled. He ran back to the bedrooms, grabbed Jeongin and Minho and raced back to the living room.

“Group hug time!”

The eight of them hugged and cuddled and lay on top of each other for the rest of the afternoon as they chatted and lazed about. For once, they weren’t worrying about the showcase or debuting or remembering the right lyrics and choreography. They were just ordinary teenagers laughing and snuggling and crushing and talking and falling in love. With life, with music, with the world, and each other. Not long after they would perform at the showcase and be chosen as the group to debut. They would then struggle through challenges to prove all eight of them deserved to be there, and two heartbreaking moments when they thought they wouldn’t be able to do this together after all.

But they worked hard and at the end got to what they had been reaching for. They were idols, living their dreams of creating and performing music. Jisung couldn’t be happier or more grateful that they had gotten here. It hadn’t been easy, but it had definitely been worth it.  
But underneath the hair dye, inside jokes, lip rings and smiles, they were kids (stray ones, specifically) that would cry and fall down and feel exhausted and alone. They worked hard to never show their fans that part of themselves, but they were human. They couldn’t pretend they were perfect and happy all the time forever. But Stay took them as they were, and they did the same to Stay. It was difficult and felt hopeless at times, but after all these years, Jisung felt like he could finally say he had done everything his thirteen year old self hoped for when he set out to become a rapper. 

Well, all that and more, because teenage Jisung hadn’t hoped for a husband. But what could Jisung say? He was an overachiever. 

The flowers were pink, in honor of the color their chests turned during their first kiss. All the other members were their best men, and all four of their parents cried. Kkami was the perfect ring bearer and Jisung’s vows made Hyunjin cry so much he couldn’t read his own. But it was okay, because later that night, he’d whisper them to him as they lay together for the first time as a married couple.

Years after that, once their idol careers had come to an end and they’d found a small, friendly neighborhood to settle down in, Jisung stumbled upon a cemetery during a walk. A pair of gravestones with purple and blue flowers on them caught his eye. He read the engravings.

Heeyoung Park  
1954 -2028  
Only reason I’m not cremated is I can’t let my wife get lonely.

Eguono Obaraku  
1952-2021  
Don’t let my wife get cremated. I’ll be lonely.

Jisung smiled and walked over to the gravestones. He bent down and looked at the mementos of these women’s lives their loved ones had left. He was marveling at a pilot badge when he noticed an envelope sticking out from behind Eguono’s gravestone. He pulled it out. He saw inside there was a letter. He knew it might be rude or invasive, but his curiosity couldn’t resist. The date was written on the left hand corner of the page-September 6th, 2017. Jisung smiled. That was his and Hyunjin’s anniversary of dating. What a cute coincidence.

Dear boy on the bus,

I know the likelihood is you will never find this. But we got home and for some reason I strongly felt the need to say all this to you. I hope that someone tells you what I’m about to say eventually, because I think everyone needs to hear it. But probably especially you.  
Life is short. You might think I’m just saying that because I’m toward the end of mine and it all just feels like it went by so fast, but I think you’ll find that it really does go by faster than you want it to. Faster than what you’re ready for. There’s no time for being afraid. There’s no time for second guessing. There’s no time for complicated emotions.

There’s no time for it, yet you get scared and second guess yourself and feel complicated emotions anyway. People are annoying that way. We do what we know we shouldn’t, because we’re curious and stupid. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want you to waste time. I don’t want you to waste time denying your feelings or worrying about mistakes you’ve made or trying to stop things from going wrong. They’re going to go wrong, and that’s okay. We’re all dumb disasters trying our absolute hardest to not fall apart. And it’s not working. But that’s okay too. 

Don’t try so hard to be perfect. Don’t try so hard to always do the right thing. Go on adventures. Be ridiculous. Break the rules. Don’t waste time on people who don’t get you. Don’t waste time on things that don’t bring you joy. Don’t hesitate to do what you want. This sounds stupid and obvious but give me a break, I found out I’m dying today.

Ah yes. The real reason I’m writing this. I guess I wanted someone other than me and my doctor to know. I know, I know. I’ll tell Heeyoung. Probably right after I finish writing this. The doctor says I have four years at most. It’s not the worst thing. It’ll be painful, for sure. But at least it’s not Alzheimer’s or dementia. And I’ve lived a long life. An amazing one, actually. I’m lucky it’s happening now rather than when we were young. That would have been heartbreaking.  
This is still heartbreaking, because I’ll have to leave Heeyoung, and the thought of her grieving me is excruciating. But I’m trying to focus on the positives.  
Anyway, Heeyoung and I never had children. We never wanted them. I don’t regret that decision. I still don’t want children. But now I’m just thinking that I wish I had someone to pass down this knowledge to. When I thought that, the first person that came to mind was you, because you need it. I already told you some good stuff on the bus, but I got a little something more for ya. Don’t lie to yourself. You have a crush on your friend. And it’s okay. You two are soulmates, after all. I know you don’t want to complicate or jeopardize your friendship because you only just stopped being mortal enemies-

Jisung gasped. Things had already been starting to sound familiar. But now he knew for sure. Eguono and Heeyoung were the couple on the bus the day that he and Hyunjin had gone on adventures together for the first time as friends, and later that night kissed. What were the odds that Jisung and Hyunjin moved to the same neighborhood as the cemetery where those women were buried? He was shocked, but intrigued, so he continued reading.

-but like I said, there isn’t time for overthinking or second guessing. Life is too short. If you don’t try things, or do things, or say what you want to say when the moment comes, then you’ll always regret it. Like how I regret not proposing to Heeyoung before she beat me to it. Or how I regret not becoming friends with that coworker I thought was the absolute coolest back in ‘08. Or how I regret not traveling back to Lagos in time to see my father before he died.  
I don’t want you to live with regrets, boy on the bus. I don’t want you to move through life always wondering what would have happened had you told your friend how you felt about him when you had the chance. I don’t want you to have to stare longingly from afar at your friend as he dates someone else because you never spoke up about how you felt. I don’t want you to resent soulmates because things with yours didn’t work out.

So even if you’re scared, I hope you tell him. You’re going to be scared of a lot of things in life. I promise this one isn’t the scariest. And no matter what happens, at least you won’t have to be tortured by the wonder of “what if.” At least you won’t have to carry that regret with you, like a stone deep down in your stomach. At least you’ll have known what would happen.  
You deserve to know what could happen. You deserve to explore possibilities. You deserve to try new things and have fun and find someone you love who loves you back and be happy. I don’t even know you, boy on the bus, but I’d put money on the fact that you’re probably harder on yourself than you should be. I think you should know that hating yourself is honestly a waste of time. There are better people to hate. And I’ve found life is a lot better when you love and respect yourself and treat yourself like you deserve good things. Which you do. And don’t worry, I’m aware that loving yourself isn’t that easy. It’s not a switch you can flip on and off. But I hope that’ll motivate you to try and love yourself.

I hope that you go for the things you want in life, boy on the bus, and I really hope you don’t waste time. I hope you don’t take a second for granted, and you never forget the importance and value of love. It’s been said many, many, many, many times before, because it’s true: all you need is love. It’s the most important thing. It’s so many things in so many different ways to so many different people. But one thing I think is universal about love is that it’s essential. We all need it. So please always treasure it, boy on the bus. Don’t let it get away from you. 

Alright. I think I’ve said all I need to say now. I’m going to tell my wife I have cancer. Shitty. But I can’t waste time. If I don’t tell her, we won’t get to properly live out our last days together. Also I don’t keep secrets from my wife. 

Like I said, I hope someone tells you these things eventually, boy on the bus. There’s no way in hell you’ll ever end up reading this letter, so I hope you learn these lessons anyway. I hope you tell your friend how you feel. And most of all, I hope you’re happy.

Love,

The lady on the bus in the purple sweater with her wife in a blue sweater.

A rain soaked Jisung stumbled into the house. 

“Oh hey, you’re back. How was your walk? Did you talk to any of the neighbors? Hopefully not the one in the green house to the left. She creeps me out with her apparently year round Halloween decorations and small army of cats.” 

Jisung, panting slightly, entered the living room. Hyunjin saw him and got up, immediately fussing over his spouse.

“You got caught in the rain? I told you to bring an umbrella. Come on, we’ve got to get you changed and warmed up or you’ll catch a cold. Most of our clothes are still in boxes but you can just get into your pajamas, right? They’re not very warm though...you can put on my sweatpants I wore yesterday. And if you need it, I’ll scavenge through the boxes for some blankets.”

“Hyunjin.”

“Yeah?” 

Jisung exhaled. “I want to have kids.”


End file.
